I’m can’t believe how much I am learning every week of this journey. What I thought I knew about my body and the human body in general, is being turned upside down nearly every day. For example; My body is like a furnace! The more I put in it, to an extent, the more it burns. My old ideas of starving and minimal calories are quickly being disproven. Im also learning the more muscle I build, the brighter and hotter that furnace burns through out the day. Wait, so if I put on muscle I can eat more? why did I wait so long to do this?? ha ha. Not only can I eat more, I am also being told to rest? I thought I was suppose to do all the cardio I could each and every day? No wonder so many people can’t achieve the bodies they want. The common ideas are so backwards to what I am learning now and in only two short weeks have made major changes to my body..
All this change in perspective can be hard on the ego. Of course I wanted to believe I hadn’t been doing EVERYTHING wrong before, but lucky for me I knew that I needed to be very open and have a clear mind in order to soak up and retain all the information that was coming my way. For that reason I made a commitment the first week to check my ego at the door. As hard as that is, its been the best thing in letting me get where I want to go even faster. Here I was, ready to be like the ripped ab girls I follow on Instagram, and I had to start with elastic bands and stretching. What the? However, because I remained open, I quickly realized Michelle was teaching me how to fish, not just giving me dinner. These basic things that didn’t make me feel tough, though, were getting me in touch with myself in a way I had never even considered. She introduced me to every part of my body, my weaknesses (buckling at the knees) and strengths (flexibility and, as she says, killer drive). I was learning how far I had to go, but that I could in fact get there. These sought after physiques were clearly not easily obtained. It was challenging to submit to the fact that I am a new student starting from scratch! However, It feels great not to be set in my ways anymore and to realize that I don’t have to be perfect or “know it all”. We all have to start from somewhere and it would make reaching my goal all the more fulfilling.
The ego kept rearing its head, however, and I struggled at times to let go of things things like being the drops of sweat that were flying everywhere and having to shift my body in unfamiliar positions in order to keep focused on specific muscle groups. I REALLY struggled with this. It made me feel like I was lacking coordination and that seemed to frustrate me the most. I also found myself, through the first repetition of every exercise, struggling with the concept of my body and my MIND having to work TOGETHER to properly and successfully work my muscles. I never thought training would be so mentally exhausting! The information was overwhelming at first, and I am constantly trying my hardest not to over think. Its also still been a struggle to walk into my own gym, away from my trainer, on my own and pick up a weight. Its almost harder because before I at least THOUGHT I knew what I was doing, but since I have had to start at the beginning, I get even more nervous that people are going to look at me like “what is that girl doing”. But I look forward to improving and becoming more confident. I am certain before long I will soon become comfortable with lifting in a room full of guys and I’ll eventually learn how to properly set the machines to my body size when I am on my own.. I know just have to keep remembering- I got this!
ONE DAY I AM GONNA LIFT LIKE A BIG GIRL!